Freedom's just another word for nothin left to lose

im kind of panicking now. i have my end semesters in 2 weeks n im...well lets just say yet to start. well posting here is just another way of procrastinating from facing the world of formal education. ive been in class till 4pm, ocassionally going out for a smoke...n then sittin with su, who i bet is sloggin her arse off now. took a long shower, smoked again n here i am. a champon at killing time.
i wonder wat life wud be like with no time to kill. its like cancer or aids. i guess i'd all of a sudden experience a sudden ruch of blood to the head n just be as random as i really wanna be. i'd probably take a huge trip in the himalayas, climb mountains with a frightenein steep...jerk off every night, cut down on alcohol n nicotine. start tellin ppl to fuck off, and mail all those i love just sayin "i love you". and then go sailin.
living life with the end approachin wud in a way be a lotta fun. i meani'd be free at last. no baggage. no clearin exams, projects, no worries of gettin a job or a wife...
hav nothin to lose...
wat i dnt get is we all know we are going to die, someday. we just dnt know how soon. n just this uncertainty just plagues us as we yearn for a "great" life. in the end most of us cant honestly say "i have lived". i want to live.
ive had moments when ive lived. these ones are usually the most unplanned occurences in my life. the most inate random things a prudent human bein wouldn't partake of. yet ive found joy, an unspoken and untold freedom in these moments. ive felt so camplete. i felt alive.
now i have this growing wave towards the centre of my chest n this erudite voice somewhere in me sayin that i shud study. study hard. finish a bulk of my eco now, coz im drinkin tonite n going out for lunch tommorow...n then i wont have time to study. i wont have time.

mother....i dnt want time, i watnt to live....spontaneously.live wit no tommorow. live like today is my last.

one day i will. not today.