pain. scream. a certain sharpness continues slicing from within. you hold your breath. try hard not to make a sound. a grunt esacapes. fuck goddammit. why?
you close your eyes. no man, keep them open. you need to see boy. fucking see yourself tear apart. be a man. take it. you shouldn't be ashamed. you shouldn't right?
wait. breath. think. man, you're fucked aren't you. think. what happened. it was all good. all fine. everything's beautiful. you sat wasted on black tiles. waiting, anticipating. something man, anything. a look, a smile, maybe 5 mins. whatever could be spared. oh but there was lots too spare man, enough and more. not for you. so? what did you expect. you wanted it on a platter? hahahaha. no man. you tried didn't you. yeah, you tried. you stayed calm, sane, biting your lips through teh hurt you waited. you took your mind off. you didn't mean to stare too long. you waited. people came, spoke, sat, even ate. people left. you sat, you waited. you sat with friends, you sat alone. but you were there waiting. for anything, any loose change, a little bit of the leftover. but there was nothing for you there now was there? you hurt and you saw them gang up. you couldn't take it anymore. left without a word. without a tear. the gorgeous and shining pierced through you with tehir spears and eyes. you still waited. you were too proud to fight back. you wondered its your fault did't you? you gave your heart but couldn't surrender your soul now could you. you imagined them siting all along expecting you to hang around and laugh at you. you probably wouldve laughed at yourself had you been them, wouldn't you? you wondered what did you do this time. one moment you were all smiles, and now what?
what the fuck man?
you left. you walked. you didn't taste their food. you didn't partake their gift. why?
hurt? bollocks. oh well maybe a bit. but mostly it was pride wasn/t it? stayed hungry. couldn't deal with it could you? bet you felt you rather die. i bet you turned red. all of them watching. you bruised. hahhahahaa!
hey man atleast you're so still standing. yeah you are. so what did you do. you wait the next day. things seem to brighten up man. you deliberated taking the plunge. after all you need to. what to do. its not all youve got left. its simply all you've got.
dive.
hold your breath. the water's deep. be careful. rescue will be on the way. and then nothing else matters does it. aah! beautiful. fucking beautiful. but wait. it doesn't turn out like you planned it, now does it. what man? its all falling apart. fuck man, fuck. hey atleast youve still got that leftover smile.
put it on. you atleast get another shot. c'mon man its not so bad. you've got frined with you. yeah yeah c'mon.
damn. its falling apart isn't it. calm down. CALM DOWN man. you're fucking losing it. you're FUCKING LOSING IT MAN. fuck. shut up. please. oh no, now they've pushed it. its gone too far man. too far. damn man. you picked up the sword. yeah you did.
you lost didn't you? hehehe, boy you shouldn'tlook so fucked. you must be the champion of losing it by now man. you're done for now boy. you've used up too many words man, too much. you didn't really care about the war did you? the hurt just did you in didn't it. hah! yeah it did boy. you tried, i admit that.
but it got to you, didn't it? you did go to battle. and you lost. smothered. you even left your friends behind.
you're not broken down are you? hahahaahahah! fuck you man. you're dead.
